So I’m sure by now everyone’s read the excerpt from the new book about so-called Chinese mothers. If not, you should. But the essence of the Chinese mother, as far as I can tell, is an unrelenting quest to be the best. No time for friends or sleepovers, just school and music lessons. Fall behind, and there will be more worksheets on Saturday. Can’t do it? Then you get yelled at and told you are stupid, and still you have to try. One example she cites is when she tried to get her daughter to learn a difficult section of a piano piece. The daughter can’t get it, so the mom yells at her until she does. Oh, and this also involves missing dinner, tantrums, throwing things, and general chaos. But eventually, she does master it, so clearly this is a successful parenting technique.

What has really surprised me is the reactions to the story. They seem to take one of two forms. Either the parent is doing irreparable damage to her daughter by repeatedly calling her names, or there’s a general lack of discipline in this country, and the mom is doing the right thing. Because apparently our only two options are to browbeat our children into success or raise wimpy kids with no discipline. Where’s the middle ground? The side that says, yes, learning discipline will be really good for your kids in life, but you don’t have to call them stupid in order to train them, and if they practice every day and don’t learn the passage until next week, that’s a success.

Now, not being a parent it’s easy to criticize from the outside. But I also hope that I’ll be able to find that middle ground, teaching my kids to work hard for their success, but allow them to fail.

When I moved I also decided I was interested in taking martial arts classes. It’s something I had been interested in for awhile, but never really got involved in. I decided now was the time. So I did a little online research, found a school very close to me, visited a couple times, and joined up. Now I’m progressing through the ranks and I’ve connected with people at the school. We talk in the locker room and I’ve started going out with them to Applebee’s once a week for Quizzo.

I just find the contrast between the two fascinating. On the one hand, it would make sense that it has taken longer to find a church. It’s clearly a much more important decision, one that I should take my time with. But it’s also important to get plugged into a church, so going a whole semester without that might not be good either. I think it’s also funny to consider the criteria I used. I have no experience with martial arts schools, and really didn’t know what to look for. So when I went the people were friendly, the place was clean, and the classes were challenging but the instructors were supportive. That’s pretty much it. But in a church, I’m questioning their theology, looking at whether the members are in community with one another, asking about their overall vision for the church, comparing worship styles, and trying to find people who are honest and real with one another. I want to find a place I can really grow and participate in, not just someplace that I could settle into. Or maybe I’m being too picky.

Which approach is better? I don’t know. I guess if I find a really good church it will be worth it, but if I end up settling than it will just be wasted time. I guess.

In appreciation for my visiting a second time, they sent me a $5 gift card to Wawa (a convenience store/gas station, for those of you not from the northeast). A GIFT CARD. For ATTENDING CHURCH. Part of me wants to think that it’s just a nice gesture, and who couldn’t use more money? But mostly, I’m shocked.

Is that really the best use of a church’s money? It feels like a bribe to get people to come back. And it really should be the message of Christ, expressed through the people of the church, that is bringing people in the doors. If that isn’t doing it than a few gift cards won’t help. I’m sure that money would be much better spent on a single mother struggling with bills than a graduate student who would have come back anyway.

Is this enough to write off the church? I’m not sure. I would like to ask the leadership the thought process behind the cards, as that might significantly affect my decision. Not that anyone reads this blog, but I would be interested if anyone can come up with a good reason why they might do this.

1) Blog weekly.  I don’t want this to become an obligation, but I feel like since I have this thing started I should really post more often, and weekly seems like an attainable interval. There are a lot of random thoughts running around in my head, and this seems like a good outlet. Plus it will help me keep more connected to the five people who read this blog than FB status updates allow.

2) Be a better steward of my time. One thing I realized from college is I am much more productive when I have a busy schedule. In college I was always running around to class, labs, meetings, band, you name it. That forced me to get things done in the gaps. Not that I was perfect or anything (my room was always really clean right before a test) but at least it was better. Right now, when I really only have class on my schedule and hours stretching open before me, I feel like I get nothing done. I’m staring at a computer screen or putzing around the apartment, but at the end of the day I can’t cross anything off of my list. I’m going to start by just keeping track of what I’m actually doing all day to see where my time really goes. By identifying my time sinks I hopefully will be more productive, and will even find time to add some volunteer activities into my schedule.

So what are your resolutions?

• (move-in day) I’ve finally arrived.  I’ll just get the stuff out of my car, and then I’ll be ready to go.
• Got the stuff out of my trunk, and just waiting for the POD to arrive.
• (POD is here) OK, I’ll start unpacking the POD.  Why is there so much stuff in it?
• Ok, today I’ll keep unpacking the POD and unpack a few boxes, too.
• Why is there so much stuff?
• Why did I keep that?
• (Mom and Dad came to help carry the big stuff and unpack the rest of the POD) There’s still so much left in the POD.
• Where am I going to put all of this stuff?
• At least I get to sleep on my mattress tonight.  Yay!
• Why do I have so many [whatevers]?
• Ok, I think I’m getting close.  Only some books and a few boxes – wait, where did all of those other boxes come from?
• More [whatver]???  But I already unpacked all of those.
• Ok, I’ve pretty much filled all the bookcases, shelves, etc.  But I still have all those boxes!

The book achieves its first goal, defining typical church words for the outside.  I think the explanations would be clear to a non-Christian trying to understand what is going on, though since I’m not one I can’t say for sure.  And I think it generally strikes a good balance between giving a simple enough explanation that someone new to the faith would understand it, but conveying the depth behind the words as well.  For instance, “body” is not described as simply “all of the people in the church” but the definition consists of four pages of describing the different parts of the body, how they work together, and the difficulties the church faces when parts are missing or not working together.

The second goal was less successful, at least for me.  I pretty much knew what all of the words he defined meant, and there weren’t any earth-shattering revelations.  I know that makes me sound cocky, but after spending so much time on apologetics, I’ve heard most of the basic definitions before.  That said, there were some interesting examples that did help me think about things differently.  One is making Jesus the perfect hero in all the Old Testament stories, including ones I hadn’t considered, such as Ester, Job, and Jonah.  As a part of the goal to help Christians think about the words they use everyday, there is a leader guide available for this book so that it can be read as a small group study.  I do think it would make an interesting study, though I’ve found that the quality of a small group study is much more dependent on the participants than on what is being studied.  So given the right group, this could lead to some great discussions.

My one caveat with this book is that it is inconsistent in allowing that words can have different meanings in some church circles.  Some topics, such as the Holy Spirit, are described from a couple different faith traditions, while for others there is no mention that there is any difference at all.  For instance, in talking about the word “saved” the author says, “We say ‘we got saved’ at this particular moment or that particular event” without acknowledging that only evangelicals say that.  I went to church my entire childhood and had never heard that phrase until I moved to the Bible Belt.  I don’t know if this is because the author didn’t consider such distinctions important, or because he didn’t realize that the phrase doesn’t have the same meaning outside evangelical circles.  I realize that all of the debates within the church cannot be explained in 150 pages, but it would have been nice if there was at least some mention of the idea that some people believe they were “saved” 2000 years ago.

Overall this was an interesting book that I would especially recommend to those new to the faith, but does  offer some insights to old hats like myself.

Then towards the end of June I went to VA for a wedding.  Since I had the days, I made a big trip out of it, driving up to NJ to visit family and then going to DE to meet with some professors and graduate students and find an apartment.  Then some other friends flew in from TX on Wednesday, and we hung out for a couple of days before the wedding, and saw the fireworks in DC.  I remembered going to the fireworks as a kid, and really having a good time.  We had fun this time, too, but weren’t close enough to the capitol building to actually hear the concert, so that was a little disappointing.  But we’ll know for next time to make sure to get close enough to hear the concert.

After I got back I worked a little more, then finally QUIT MY JOB!  It was very exciting, and a little odd, too.  It was the first time I ever quit a job that the work was continuing after I left.  What I mean is, my other jobs have either been based on the semester or the summer, so once the semester or summer was over, so was the job, and I could choose to come back or not.  But we had a little party and it was very nice.

I then went to TX to put some stuff in my storage unit so it could be moved and visit some people in town.  In planning it it sounded like a good idea, and it was a lot of fun, but between that and VA it was a lot of driving.  But I got to see a lot of people that I hadn’t seen in awhile, so it was a good trip.

And now I’m getting ready to move.  I’m trying to complete those little projects that sneak up on you so that they won’t be nagging at me and I can concentrate on moving and school once I’m there.  Especially since I’ll only have 2 weeks to get settled instead of the 4 I was originally hoping for.  But this post is already long, so more on the move as it gets closer.

Think about it this way: Imagine you developed some disease that would make your life miserable and eventually kill you.  However, spending 20 minutes a day on some treatment will allow you to live a normal, full life.  No-brainer, right?  Of course you’d rearrange everything else to allow you to do the treatments.  On the other hand, if you had the opportunity to be tortured for 20 minutes a day and earn $1 for your efforts, there’s no way you’d rearrange your schedule to make that happen.

So everything you are asked to do falls somewhere along that spectrum.  Unconsciously you ask yourself if whatever it is is worth rearranging some part of your life for.  And I think by changing the expression you become more aware of that.   “I don’t make time to exercise.”  “I don’t make time for my friends.”  “I don’t make time to read the Bible.”  So what am I making time for?

Although I would love to get into the program, at this point I think I’ll be okay with either outcome.  I’d love to say I’m completely at peace about the situation, but I think it’s more accurate to say that I’m equally apprehensive about either possibility.   As I said in my last post, there are pros and cons either way, but I think I could be happy in either location.  I’ll be sure to let everyone know once I hear.

The short answer is that it seems like as good of an idea as anything else.  I have now been searching for a job for close to 21 months, and nothing has come through.  A PhD program might not increase my chances of getting a job, but it will teach me some new skills and keep my policy brain fresh.  And hopefully in four (?) years when I finish there will be more jobs available.  I know I can do the work, my only question is whether I will be able to find a dissertation topic that interests me enough to spend four years on it.  I had to suggest a research topic in my application, but as I’ve learned from other people who have earned a PhD, the original topic might not be the one I stick with.

I have also been living with my parents for over a year, and most of my stuff has been in storage for a year and a half.  I’m 28, and ready to be living on my own again, and see my stuff.  I mean, I always was, but now it’s getting to the point where I have to do something.  I’m not sure if the PhD is it, but I’m going to assume that if I get in to the program that’s where I should be.

So for me the big question is what do I do if I don’t get in to the program?  Right now my idea is to go back to College Station.  I can work a temp job there as well as here, and can probably get a better one.  Plus I have a lot of friends there and a church I love.  And being away from it makes me miss it all the more.  My biggest fear in moving back is that distance has given me rose-colored glasses, and I’ll be disappointed by the problems in going back.  Because I know that it won’t be perfect, and it’s not the magic bullet that will make me amazingly happy.

My mom suggested that I move to a town with an environmental non-profit that I can volunteer with and eventually work for.  This would seem to be a good suggestion, but there are so many towns with non-profits, I have no idea how I would choose.  Without friends or a guaranteed job, it would just be random chance to pick the right city.  Washington DC, Columbia, Charleston, Portland, Silver Springs, ???.

So to sum up, I have no idea what I should be doing.  All I know for sure is that by August I will be somewhere other than here.  Any advice/comments are appreciated.